Stu Monroe is a hard-working Southern boy of no renown and a sick little monkey of great renown. He has a beautiful wife, Cindy, and an astonishingly wacky daughter, Gracie. His opinions are endorsed by absolutely no one…except!

Cliche "What I'm Thankful For" Post...........

Cliche "What I'm Thankful For" Post...........

I've got a hell of a lot to be thankful for, and that fact isn't lost on the other 364 days of the's just that this is the day you're supposed to talk about it. So here goes:

I'm thankful for a wife who's not only patient enough to endure my "idiosyncrasies" (a nice way of saying I'm batshit crazy) but also endlessly loving and giving. I really don't deserve a woman who gives as much as she does, especially when you consider how selfish I can be. You are amazing, Cindy. 21 years and we're still more awesome together than everyone else.

I'm thankful for an impossibly beautiful, illogically zany, wildly intelligent, utterly unique, & straight-up cool daughter. She has taken my breath away from the time she uttered her first cry in this world, & she amazes me daily. I try to soak in all of the things that make the teenage years so awful and be thankful she's SO MUCH BETTER than me at that age. Hell, I wasn't even through with my arrests and suspensions at her age. She has always been and will always be our miracle in so many ways.

I'm thankful that I've got my beloved Mom here with us and that the stroke didn't take her from us or damage her worse than it did. We get to take care of her in her "retirement" and make sure that she is happy. I don't have to worry about her from afar anymore, and I know that she is being taken care of (because Cindy is amazing ha ha). 

I'm thankful for my career that I always bitch about. Honest admission, you think? No, that's an American admission. Everyone hates their job unless they are either lucky enough or psychotically dedicated and motivated enough to be doing what they truly love for a living. I'm not lucky and I'm naturally lazy, so I'm extra thankful for my career. I know my shortcomings. Besides, making a legit middle class salary with a good bonus and stock options isn't all that shabby for a lazy, underachieving, poorly educated white boy with social anxiety issues. Right? Right? I NEED CONFIRMATION!!! Just kidding. I'm totally hunky-dory.

I'm thankful for all of my family. In this area I am blessed beyond all measure. I am related, by blood and marriage, to some of the flat-out coolest motherfuckers y'all could ever be lucky enough to meet.......good people with very, very few shitheads (that's saying something). I have "in-laws" that have never felt like in-laws in the 21 years that I have been a part of their family. I've always been accepted and never judged. That's so amazing, when you really think about it. Damn near unheard of. I love all of y'all!

I'm shamelessly thankful for my friends. I'm not an outgoing person by nature- I really do prefer to be alone a lot of the time. I'm a bit like Randal in "Clerks" if you reverse the statement..........I love people, but I hate gatherings (isn't it ironic?). I've made some good friends and unforgettable acquaintances from South Carolina to New Mexico to Texas, and I couldn't live without you sick motherfuckers. Y'all are the shit. Period. 

I'm thankful for my Staple Stock crew. We have to go in to work and do a job that isn't particularly fun or easy, but y'all make it a damn blast!! I DO consider my peeps to be friends and family. We may be a dysfunctional family, but we get that shit done and I am daily proud of y'all. Now get to work!!

I'm thankful every damn day to be a Clemson Tiger!! I was born eating, sleeping, pissing, and shitting orange and it DOES make me that much better!! If you're not from that place in the world you don't understand what it is to be a part of that family of fine, decent, Southern folks who are united in that common bond. And don't think for a minute the success of our badass football team has made me boastful- I'm this way in the good years and the bad. HOW 'BOUT THEM TIGERS????!!

I'm thankful for all of our soldiers, regardless of branch. Once upon a time I took that oath, but it wasn't to be for me. God had other plans. My brother and my best friend are Army and Marine Corps, respectively. I'm surrounding by badass motherfuckers who will die at the drop of a hat to protect you, even if you don't appreciate it. The same thing goes for the cops and firefighters out there. It's a thankless job. I'm so glad there are real heroes out there in the night, where it's dark and full of terrors.

There's all kinds of trivial shit that I'm still thankful for (even if it's just "fluff"):

  • I'm thankful Stephen King is still writing...and that his son is, too.
  • I'm thankful Metallica gave us a new album. It's fucking sick.
  • I'm thankful that Texas Frightmare Weekend is right here in DFW every year.
  • I'm thankful we got to go to Wrestlemania AND Guns N' Roses.
  • I'm thankful there's a new Resident Evil coming in January. 
  • I'm thankful there are so many good Scotches out there to try.
  • I'm thankful to be a Redskin living in Dallas. It's fun. Rivalry is healthy. 
  • I'm thankful that I don't live around as many Gamecock fans. 
  • I'm thankful that I have a fireplace. I fucking love a fire. 

Finally, I have to get serious for a minute. I'm thankful that I was lucky enough to call Melissa Savoie my Mom. You may be gone, but your lessons and your spirit will live in this family forever. We miss you so fucking much. I promise I'll always be there for Shilo and Mattie. Always.

So remember, y'all- don't get bogged down in all of the bullshit that will inevitably come your way. I don't care how shitty you think your life really isn't. We're Americans. We're blessed beyond measure, and we still live in the best country in the world. 




College Football 2016, Week 12: IN MEMORIAM

College Football 2016, Week 12: IN MEMORIAM

This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers...........

This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers...........