Stu Monroe is a hard-working Southern boy of no renown and a sick little monkey of great renown. He has a beautiful wife, Cindy, and an astonishingly wacky daughter, Gracie. His opinions are endorsed by absolutely no one…except!

College Football 2016, Week 4: IN MEMORIAM

College Football 2016, Week 4: IN MEMORIAM

Week 4 is in the books, folks. This one was a diverse week of football. Your top tier teams continued to be top tier. The middle of the pack had some minor upsets with lower ranked teams stepping up their game and a team in the bottom of the Top 25 exposed a pretender. Let's get to it.

#1 Alabama takes it easy on Kent State, only wins 48-0: Let's face it: it could have been worse. This one didn't tell anyone anything they didn't already know. Next week Alabama will toy with a scrappy Kentucky team before swallowing them whole in Tuscaloosa; Kent State will fade into the background again and play Akron.

#2 Ohio State took a bye week: Next up for the Buckeyes will be Rutgers (aka another easy win).

#3 Louisville knows that THEY ARE MARSHALL...kicks their asses anyways, 59-28: Lamar "Action" Jackson added 7 total TDs (5 passing, 2 rushing) to his Heisman resume. He sure looks like the real deal. The rest of the team looks pretty legit, too. They'd better hope so: next up is a trip to THE REAL DEATH VALLEY to take on Deshaun "Superman" Watson and the Clemson Tigers with ESPN Gameday in tow.

#4 Michigan passes a surprisingly easy test against once rival Penn State at home, 49-10: This one was over at the half, but (unfortunately for Penn State) they played 4 quarters. The Wolverines ran for 326 total yards and physically whipped the Nittany Lions. That defense is pretty bad at sharing. Next up for Michigan is a huge test in visiting Wisconsin; Penn State will try to get back to better than .500 against Minnesota at home in Happy Valley.

#5 Clemson breaks "The Atlanta Curse" and smothers Georgia Tech, 26-7: George W. Bush was in his first term the last time my beloved Tigers beat the Jackets in their house. This one was fun to watch. The offense didn't overpower, but they showed how deadly and efficient they can be when needed. The defense was super nasty, and that's what I want to see right now. In Tigertown it's all about the D, especially on the front lines. They look ready for ESPN Gameday and "Action" Jackson's Louisville Cardinals next week in the friendly confines of THE REAL DEATH VALLEY. Georgia Tech has a very tough divisional game against the visiting Hurricanes. Good luck with that. Miami is rolling right now. 

#6 Houston treats Texas State like a bondage bitch with no safe word, 64-3: I hope the paycheck for Texas State was at least $400,000. That hurts. Houston was a 34-point favorite. They won by 61. They even kicked the spread's ass. Houston returns home for the Huskies of Connecticut. Texas State takes on a team called Incarnate Word. You can't make this shit up.

#7 Stanford wins a thriller against a very game UCLA team in the Rose Bowl, 22-13: It took last minute heroics for The Tree to take this one away from the Bruins, who apparently got one hell of a motivational speech from Snoop Dogg and some random Crips. Don't be fooled by the score: it should've been 16-13 if it weren't for UCLA fumbling away a TD on their attempted Hail Mary with time running out. This was a tight, physical game. Next up for Stanford is a stout test against the Washington Huskies for control of the PAC-12 North; UCLA stays home to play a dangerous Arizona team that gave the aforementioned Huskies all they could handle.

#8 Michigan State was the recipient of a home invasion by #11 Wisconsin, 30-6: It was a 7-point game at halftime. It was over by the start of the 4th quarter. Wisconsin's defense continues to smother the opposition. It was a fairly nasty reality check for Sparty. Those vicious little Badgers have a date with destiny (and a possible B1G Championship preview) against Michigan in The Big House. Michigan State will go to Indiana and search for their lost swagger....and possibly their testicles.

#9 Washington escapes the desert of Arizona in OT, 35-28: In the Huskies first real test (previous opponents were Rutgers, Idaho & Portland State) they passed with a solid B-. Arizona is looking like a bowl eligible team, at the very least. Their QB is versatile in both phases. Washington will try to step up even further and take control of their division against Wisconsin at home; Arizona will play Snoop's Bruins.

#10 Texas A&M brings #17 Arkansas back to earth, 45-24: In a showdown of 2 "better than expected so far" teams it was A&M's defense (average so far) that made the difference, stopping 2 long Razorback drives with goal-line stands for no points. Trevor Knight looked great in the 2nd half. Aggie fans are glad that Knight left OU. Arkansas will bounce back nicely at home against Alcorn State (unless they dig up McNair) while Texas A&M will go and kick the shit out of the chickens of South Columbia. Should be fun to watch.

#12 Georgia takes a trip to Pound Town and gets smashed by #23 Ole Miss, 45-14: Want a shining example of how badly the Dawgs got whooped? It was 45-0 before Georgia scored. There were long runs, short runs, long passes, short passes, pick-6's. It was simply brutal. Go home, Georgia......and then get spanked by Tennessee next week. Ole Miss will stay home and play the Memphis Tigers. And FUCK GEORGIA.

#13 Florida State rebounds (sort of) against USF, 55-35: A win is a win is a win. I'm not taking anything away from the Noles. It just seems to me like they should've come back angry after what Louisville did to them and smothered, scattered, covered, and chunked USF. Maybe they need to tighten up on defense? Either way, FSU will return to The Doak to face North Carolina, and USF travels to Cincinnati. FSU had better be careful; UNC is very dangerous when they're on their game and are historically a good road team.

#14 Tennessee scores 38 unanswered points to down #19 Florida, 38-28: Those long-suffering Vols fans finally had a reason to really belt out a drunk-ass rendition of "Rocky Top" in a literal Tale of Two Halves. Tennessee is starting to look they know how to use some of that plethora of talent they possess. Florida still has work to do. Dobbs throws 4 TD's in the come from behind win. Next up for Tennessee is a trip "Between the Hedges" to play Georgia. Florida will travel to Vanderbilt.

#15 Miami takes the week off to prepare for the trip to Atlanta to play Georgia Tech.

#16 Baylor outlasts Oklahoma State in Bear Country, 35-24: Despite a shamed and ousted coach and players whipping dogs on camera, Baylor is trying to carry the banner for the Big 12 Conference and be their cream of the crop. I'm still not sure what to make of them, but they are still winning. Oklahoma State doesn't need to panic yet, and they should forget about how they got robbed by the refs against Central Michigan and just plow ahead. Next week Baylor travels to Iowa State (should be another W). Oklahoma State will stay home and host #21 Texas.

#18 LSU loses the game (and their coach) to unranked and underrated Auburn, 18-13: I've been saying all year that LSU is overrated this year and Auburn is underrated. They both proved me right this week. That defense of Auburn is getting better and better. You could hear the snap in Baton Rouge (at THE FAKE DEATH VALLEY) as Tiger fans finally got tired of "The Hat" and his schtick and his poor clock management. About fucking time. LSU and interim coach Ed Orgeron will go home and face Mizzou; Auburn will stay home (for the 5th week in a row!!) and stomp UL Monroe.

#20 Nebraska continues to slowly improve with win over Northwestern, 24-13: This game wasn't as close as the score indicated. The Huskers dominated an inferior opponent with balance and a solid (but not great) defense. Keep it up, Big Red. Next on the schedule for Nebraska is a home game against lowly Illinois. Northwestern will travel to Des Moines to play a 3-1 Iowa team who is still very boring. 

#21 Texas and #22 San Diego State decided to not play this week. Maybe they're protesting something. Will they raise a fist or just kneel the fuck down?

#24 Utah needs a literal last-minute comeback to beat USC, 31-27: Utah sported their dope as hell black uniforms at home and played the villain to the Trojans' upset bid. They were down by 10 at the start of the 4th quarter. Don't mess with the Mormon Wrecking Crew. Up next for USC is undefeated and unranked Arizona State in the Colosseum. Utah will travel to Cal.

#25 Oklahoma stayed home and licked their wounds. Presumably they also prepared for next weeks game against a ranked TCU team in Ft. Worth. Is Stoops on the hot seat yet?

The "What the Fuck Just Happened" game of the week is also the "I Called It" game as well: What did I say? Huh? Don't sleep on Duke anymore. This is a well coached squad with smart players and a fantastic coach in David Cutcliffe. Wouldn't you agree, Fighting Irish? Final Score: Duke 38, Notre Dame 35

Well, I'm pretty stoked for this coming weekend. You've got some really interesting matchups, like Stanford at Washington, Wisconsin at Michigan, North Carolina at FSU, & Miami at Georgia Tech (my tentative pick for Upset of the Week). And, of course, there's Louisville at Clemson in THE REAL DEATH VALLEY!!! I'm actually off for this one. It's time to show who owns the ACC.

We'll cap it all off with your shiny, new AP Top 25 Poll for Week 5:

  • #1 Alabama, (50) 4-0, same
  • #2 Ohio State, (4) 3-0, same
  • #3 Louisville, (6) 4-0, same
  • #4 Michigan, (1) 4-0, same
  • #5 Clemson, 4-0, same
  • #6 Houston, 4-0 , same
  • #7 Stanford, 3-0, same
  • #8 Wisconsin, 4-0, +3
  • #9 Texas A&M, 4-0, +1
  • #10 Washington, 4-0, -1
  • #11 Tennessee, 4-0, +3
  • #12 Florida State, 3-1, +1
  • #13 Baylor, 4-0, +3
  • #14 Miami, 3-0, +1
  • #15 Nebraska, 4-0, +5
  • #16 Ole Miss, 2-2, +7
  • #17 Michigan State, 2-1, -9
  • #18 Utah, 4-0, +6
  • #19 San Diego State, 3-0, +3
  • #20 Arkansas, 3-1, -3
  • #21 TCU, 3-1, not ranked
  • #22 Texas, 2-1, -1
  • #23 Florida, 3-1, -4
  • #24 Boise State, 3-0, not ranked
  • #25 Georgia, 3-1, -13
College Football 2016, Week 5: IN MEMORIAM

College Football 2016, Week 5: IN MEMORIAM

I refuse to participate

I refuse to participate