Stu Monroe is a hard-working Southern boy of no renown and a sick little monkey of great renown. He has a beautiful wife, Cindy, and an astonishingly wacky daughter, Gracie. His opinions are endorsed by absolutely no one…except!

The Nintendo Generation

I was born in May of 1979. My first movie in a theater was "E.T.". My first full album was Michael Jackson's "Thriller". My first love (and first kiss) was a beautiful, big-haired girl of mixed race by the name of Eowyn (thus shocking my conservative, white, South Carolina family- in the FIRST GRADE!!). It wasn't the last time I would shock them, by the way. 

In all fairness to the lovely Eowyn, my true first love was a gray and white plastic box that measured 10" wide by 8" long by 3.5" high. When you opened its magical door it became 4.5" high. Opening that door took me (and an entire generation) to undreamed of worlds. 

My first true love's name was written on the aforementioned door in red letters: Nintendo Entertainment System.

Those words still give me a shiver of childish pleasure that can't be matched by any other system. I own a PS4, PS3, & PS2 (with backwards compatability). I still have my Gamecube (a very underrated little system from Nintendo as well). Sadly, I sold my N64 a few years back. That was a mistake. I even have a Sega Dreamcast in absolutely perfect condition. I have stacks of games for all of those systems, most of them with guides in a box in my closet. 

I love running people over and killing hookers (after screwing them, of course) on Grand Theft Auto or being a camper extraordinaire on Call of Duty. The graphics on the newest Final Fantasy are always a sight to behold. Dying Light provides a depth of immersion to surviving the zombie apocalypse that literally floors me every time I travel back to Huran. But...............

Nothing sucks me in like some classic NES. When I hear that Legend of Zelda music it makes my eyes water with the feeling of a simpler life and a better time. The sound of a poisoned character dragging their way back to town in Final Fantasy is still worse than nails on a chalkboard. Do I even need to say "Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, START"?!! Do I really?

You kids today will never know the power of what it was like to get that rush live and in 8-bit color. A lot of modern gamers have experienced the original NES, but I'd imagine it's a fairly hollow experience. To understand how game-changing that system was you had to be there to experience what Atari and ColecoVision had to offer. You had to hit the arcades (still a magical place too, in my humble opinion) and blow the whole ten dollar bill your Mom gave you. 

There is power, so much power, in that mighty 8-bit system. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm tired of talking about this. I'm going to go play some Zelda. That gold cartridge is just so damn sexy.

Review: "The Corpse Grinders (1971)"

Review: "The Corpse Grinders (1971)"

Do you fucking hate censorship? I do.