Book Review: "One Tough Bastard" by Adam Howe (2021)

“One Tough Bastard” by Adam Howe

Written by Stuart D. Monroe

Published by Honey Badger Press

Written by Adam Howe

2021, 315 pages, Fiction

Released on March 1st, 2021

Review:

There has never been, nor will there ever be, a time in film like that action flicks of the ‘80s and ‘90s- the sheer testosterone, unrepentant violence, shitty one-liners, boatloads of naked flesh, and explosive gore fueled my generation through countless trips to the video store. It was a goddamned wonderful time to be a kid. Clearly, Adam Howe and I are on the exact same wavelength. I shouldn’t be surprised, really. The first time I read this guy’s work, it was a story about friends taking an ill-fated trip to Wrestlemania III; Scapegoat socked me in my demographically targeted balls like a well-placed thumb shot from the Nature Boy, Ric Flair.

Have you ever seen anything so American?

I’ll be damned if he doesn’t up the ante in almost every respect with One Tough Bastard, a love letter to overblown action films that doesn’t miss a trick. Adam Howe knows his shit and has done his homework, y’all.

Shane Moxie is THE action star amongst action stars…in his own mind, at least. In reality, The Mox is the cautionary tale we’re all familiar with. His rise to grenade chucking, throat punching superstardom ended with him being overshadowed by a chimpanzee named Duke. The ape became America’s favorite star, and Shane Moxie became an afterthought who followed up his drug-fueled meltdowns with a string of bad film choices that ended with KKKop, a film that featured Mox in blackface breaking every rule of decency humanly imaginable. Riots followed. Undeterred, he continued to believe he was America’s favorite killer of all things un-American. After a publicity stunt gone violently wrong, the imbecile stumbles onto a major crime syndicate. He’s also reunited with his old Copsicle partner, Duke. The two have some issues to work out if they’re going to survive a battle with a trained mercenary army, a deadly assassin who’d make Brigitte Nielsen shit her pants, and a German supersoldier so badass that Arnold Schwarzenegger bows to him. The odds are impossible, but this is Shane “Fuckin’ A” Moxie from Toad Suck, Arkansas!

You know you’d watch it…

The opening quote from Michael Bay really says it all: “I don’t change my style for anybody. Pussies do that.” If you were to write a one-sentence review of One Tough Bastard, you could go with that. Howe’s knack for knowing exactly who the target audience is and giving them plenty to chew on is in fine form, as is his staggering turn of phrase (“The shrill cry of a passing seagull echoed overhead like the majestic shriek of an eagle…”) and ability to make verbs like “Geishapancaked” and “Nikeswooshed” fit right in. Simply put, it’s just a lot of fun to read.

Shane Moxie and Duke are a pair as American as apple pie, but it’s the often awkward and frankly touching metamorphosis of their relationship that’s the beating heart of One Tough Bastard. Duke steals a good many scenes with his acerbic banter and psychological manipulation of the simpleton that is The Mox, but his redemption arc is a thing of beauty. Shane Moxie is such an absolute clueless ass that it should be impossible for him to even have a redemption arc!

Shane Moxie isn’t the only character in here that’s either an archetype or a parody of someone else, but that’s the joke, isn’t it? That era of film (not just action flicks, either) was loaded with characters every bit as outlandish as those you meet in One Tough Bastard. Well, almost as outlandish…

The finish is ludicrously strong- gory, funny as hell, and easily visualized. The entire novel is, at times, written more like a screenplay, and Howe knows exactly when to flip the script. Duke’s spree of murderous revenge for the murder of his wife is legit epic. Mox’s dumb luck is even more astounding. It’s a story that begs to be picked up and turned into a film. This is one I’d want to see Troma Studios do. They’d be the only ones who could pull it off with style points and absolutely no class.

As a bonus, you get synopses and poster art for the filmography of Shane Moxie that’s almost as fun as the story. Dig a little into the directors of each faux-film, and it gets even funnier. I don’t think even I could bring myself to watch KKKop, but I could damn sure get down with some Lambadass or Gung Ho-Ho-Ho. And that thoroughly rock hard, Moxie-approved playlist?! It’s on repeat as we speak. That attention to detail and audience appreciation is one of the reasons that Adam Howe has become must read. Howe has taken the cinematic junk drawer of a generation and polished that lovingly nostalgic and dusty turd to a high shine. One Tough Bastard is a book that you share with the friends that spent Friday night with you in front of a stack of Blockbuster Video rentals.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to get to work on growing out this mullet and rat tail. It’s going to look killer. Fuckin’ A!

Grade:

5.0 out of 5.0 stars

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/One-Tough-Bastard-Adam-Howe-ebook/dp/B08NF5W1HF/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=One+Tough+Bastard+Adam+Howe&qid=1614816322&sr=8-1